I’ve decided to use the library like it’s never been used before, slowly working through a list of books that I’ve been meaning to read for years. Management theory and community building type stuff, which, I will admit, I tend to devour like they were romance novels. Three days and I’m halfway through Dee Hock’s Birth of the Chaordic Age. I first came across this book when I was studying systems theory at Antioch and its a welcome find at this point in my life. I’m most hit by his personal story, feeling out of sorts with institutions and a bit out of step with his family growing up; and I’m particularly moved by his realization that VISA was not where he was supposed to be and abruptly leaving for no good reason, because some voice inside him told him he had other things to do. All of this feels like a crackling fire and a cup of cocoa right now. I needed Mr. Hock and his story of scrambling and struggling to make sense of it all. I was looking for a mentor to help me push forward on my non-linear path, which at this present moment feels like I just took a side trail into brushy woods, never to be heard of again. Every transition in my life resembles chaos while I walk it, but order when I reflect back, and I’m incessantly puzzling how I can better balance these two poles in order to stay more present in the journey.
How to recognize that chaos is the natural order of things … it’s a call to the wild. We forget this natural order when we’re not exposed regularly to nature. And reading back over this post, the answer is sprinkled throughout in my language. So off I go, today I will go for a walk in the woods and reflect.